From The GIRL CRUSH ISSUE - Q & A with Lovisa Ingman by Lena Modigh

You and I met for the first time, I think almost 10 years ago. Was it your first shoot? What did you think? I remember you having so much energy. How old were you then? 

This makes me smile. At the time I was fourteen or fifteen, and so I was still in school. It wasn’t my first shoot but among the very first I did. I was fascinated by the process, which I still am. To me it was like I had been given new eyes and suddenly saw a completely different world around me. The experiences I got then and onwards have truly shaped the way I see and appreciate things today.

Regarding the energy, I have always had had an eagerness and impatience in front of the camera. A lot of ideas come to me in that situation and I want to try them all. Of course my ideas haven't always fit into the theme of the shoot, or what the photographer, stylist or anyone else at the set have had in mind.



Do you think modeling changed the way you look at yourself? Can you see what it is other people see in you? Can you appreciate it?

Certainly modeling has changed the way I see myself. In every way,  yes. From just being a kid playing and simply being, to realise that I had a body and that my body was a special kind of body. That I was a type, had a certain look, and that people had opinions about this, about me, good and bad. It is strange to get into this mindset and awareness at a very young age as it was for me. Fourteen is a fragile age.

What other people see in me I honestly don’t know. I have never woken up to think I am the hottest thing or that my look is so incredible. That is not what I see passing by a mirror. When I see pictures of myself I look at them as if it is not me but another person. I look at them in third person. I know I was there but when I look at the end product I don’t really see myself. A picture of me might be of me, but it is a fraction of who I am.

This is a difficult topic I notice as I try to answer your question. I think it is related to how much we are both our bodies and our minds. Having a lot of anguish and anxiety, panic and doubt makes you feel the opposite of comfortable in your own skin. I have been more acquainted with self-disgust than appreciation to be frank. To be in a bad mental state is being far away from yourself. At least that is how I have experienced it. Then it is hard to embrace yourself; your body; your soul; your personality; your history.

 It is very easy to create an illusion of ourselves today. Social media is a great curator tool. We select parts of ourselves and our lives to show and share with others. Since it is not the whole picture the reflection of ourselves on social media is not fair to whom we are, and maybe it is not meant to be either. Though we are aware of this intellectually I believe we still forget this on an emotional level. Just like reading a book, we read someone else’s life through their social media accounts.

When I am happy, when I feel good about myself, when I feel pretty I can smile, take a picture of myself and share it on social media. This is easy. What I do not share is my bad days. I do not take a picture of myself as I have a panic attack, which would be difficult to accomplish. I do not take a picture of myself as I have cried my eyes red and eyelids swollen to triple their size, or when I am struck with self-doubt and anxiety and so just lying in bed for a week. Maybe that would be more interesting.

What are you are trying to express when you are taking pictures of yourself? 

Well, when I take pictures of myself I have no idea what I am doing and I do not have a specific image in mind that I want to replicate. I might have an initial idea, a starting point, and a spark of inspiration that makes me begin the process. The spark can be a light, a location, a piece of clothing, a color and so on. On the day when I take the pictures nothing of this might fall into place. Everything might be different, but the spark made me start and that is what is important. It is afterwards, as the pictures have been taken and developed that I can see what it is that I have done, what it was that I needed to express. To read meaning into my pictures is another layer of the process.

Sometimes when I'm taking photos of really young girls, not you, or I guess it doesn't have to do with age, it's more a matter of maturity, I feel like I'm abusing them. I'm stepping into their world, and I'm not meant to be there... Does it make sense?

It does make sense. To be photographed is an intimate act. As a photographer you are approaching someone else. You are an observer. You notice something about or in someone, and you want to materialise that, take or make a picture of it to express it, share it, immortalise it. Maybe the abusive and intruding feeling comes from when the person you are taking pictures of does not let you over to their side, and you become an observer from the other side of the line. The person is radiating “No” and you are picking up on that signal.

Did you ever feel that you were not respected? Do you think you react differently to a male photographer compared to a female?

As a model, and maybe also as a child you are expected to adapt to a given situation. 

I guess, that sometimes I have been stepped upon of course. We are only human beings after all. We make mistakes all the time. Yet my overall feeling is that I have been respected. My experiences are that people mainly are thoughtful and if everyone involved are happy the process will be much smoother and the pictures will turn out much better. Respect is about dialogue, and if you don’t communicate it is hard for others to know how to respect you.

To me female photographers have a different kind of carefulness but that might just be personality and not gender related at all. Also, I can feel more comfortable with a female photographer because I know she knows how it is to be a woman. The chance she understands me is higher because most likely she has experienced similar things to what I have experienced related to what it is being a girl, young woman, woman. 

Some say male photographers have a different kind of appreciation for the female body as they don’t have the same body themselves. My experience is that a photographer of any sex can take sensual pictures.

All images by Lovisa Ingman

I think my best pictures are the ones of my sons. I think I know them so well, and I'm not trying too hard. I'm not analysing how I make them feel.Also when I started taking pictures I wasn't so aware about my impact on the models, and I didn't try too hard... Or maybe I don't have an impact :) I think now sometimes I can be too aware. Trying too hard. I've lost my innocence. I miss that. 

I can relate to this as I think my best pictures are the ones of my very close friends and of my boyfriend. The closeness and the connection you have shines through in the pictures. You trust in each other and you don’t have to be afraid to step on each other’s toes in the same way as when meeting a person for the first time. In a way I think this loss of innocence you describe has to do with your own expectations on yourself.

Time to time I think it is important to release, to let go of these expectations, and so begin to experiment and investigate again. Life makes me fascinated by people. It is a strange thing to be alive. All is pointless and completely meaningless, and here we are walking this earth with such a confidence and conviction like there is no question about it. To me, the pointlessness provides us with the liberty of choosing what is meaningful to ourselves, how we like to spend our time and with whom. Sometimes when I am doubtful I ask myself “What else would I do with my time here?” Because as I am here I have to do something with my time.

One way to understand people is to meet them and connect with them, and one way to do that is to take pictures of them, with them. In the connection there is a form of communication without words, and sometimes I feel that that is getting a glimpse of someone’s soul, of their core, who they are, and maybe you won’t understand them for that reason but you get to see and know a part of them. Therefore to take pictures of people is something I like to spend my time doing.

Did you have any girl crushes growing up? Do you have any now? I guess girl crushes t is a bit like a role model as well….

I have never really had idols or a specific role model. If anyone it must have been Michael Jackson when I was ten or so, but since then I haven’tidolisedanyone I think. To me it is strange to elevate someone above yourself as if that person is not a human being. Theidolisationcreates a gap between you and that person. To place someone on a pedestal makes that person untouchable, unreachable, and you dehumanise that person. The picture of someone you get at a distance, is a selective image, an idea of a person rather than who, what, and how that person actually is in reality. You are not taking that person into consideration as a whole human being. Moreover, this behavior indirectly degrades you. You send the message to yourself that some people are perfect and they can be and accomplish anything and everything and you are not one of them.

In addition, I guess the word ‘role model’ can be to have someone as a source of inspiration or guidance. As you admire some of that person’s qualities and you like to become more of that yourself this idea of the ‘role model’; who that person is; what that person represents for you in your own mind; might help you in a direction in life you desire to go but need an extra push to dare to attempt. Though there is a fine line between positive motivation and inspiration that actually gives you energy to challenge yourself, move forward and grow, and that of comparison that gives you negative energy and pulls you down.

I sure seek out people to draw inspiration from both dead and alive, and I think to myself “If she can do it, I can.